we have pet lesbian snakes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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