God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
