I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
