I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
