people are starting to question the shark bite story
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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