he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i now understand why vodka
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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