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I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
