I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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