no, he came in my armpit
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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