i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
