well I can't set my house on fire every night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
