I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
