And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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