I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
smell my finger.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
