grandma shit on top of the toilet
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
