One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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