Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
