Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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