I intend to get homeless drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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