its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
