I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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