i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
