Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
