hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
