You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
