my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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