ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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