I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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