i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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