Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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