Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
