Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
