I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize