its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
