my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
