The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You smell like stripper and shame
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize