Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
