Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
