thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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