i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
