He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
