you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
