mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
