When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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