That's intense
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
