turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
