i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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