I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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