There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
