The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
