She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
