I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
