I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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