I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
