3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
