Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
