I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
