Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
