I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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