please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
