i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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