who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize