My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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