There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
