I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
