At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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