Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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