Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
