Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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