i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize