I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
