I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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