if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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