the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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