I love black thongs
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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