just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
