Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
